


Designated Coitus Beds

by That_Jett_Kid



Series: CGLRE-Hamilton [6]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angsty?, Asexual Character, Asexual John Laurens, CGLRE mentions, Canon Non-Binary Character, Fluffy?, Modern Era, Multi, Polyamory, Swearing, google translate french, john is me lmao, mentions of little!alex, non-binary Lafayette, poly!hamilsqaud
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-19
Updated: 2017-05-19
Packaged: 2018-11-02 08:46:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10941012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/That_Jett_Kid/pseuds/That_Jett_Kid
Summary: John was a pretty chill guy. But he had one major rule - No coitus in the bed he sleeps in.orThe one in which the three did the frickity-frack in the main bedroom and John is PISSED.





	Designated Coitus Beds

When John walked into the apartment Wednesday afternoon, he knew something was off right away. Hercules and Alexander sat on the couch watching a movie and the sound of Lafayette monologuing in French drifted from the bedroom, so nothing was strongly different from any other afternoon. But something was off.

“Honey’s I’m home.”

Hercules snorted in response while Alexander rolled his eyes (but John could see his lips twitch into a smile). Unceremoniously dumping his bag at the front door and kicking off his shoes John then made his way to the bedroom to go greet Laf’. He could feel Hercules and Alexanders eyes on the back of his head- something was definitely off.

 The French monologuing cut off when John opened the door, waltzing into the bedroom and taking in the thrown about sheets.

“Um Laf’, you know laundry day isn’t until Saturday?”

“Oui- Yes, I know this,” They laughed, John noted that they did so almost uncomfortably which was definitely strange. “erm… But Alexander was little for a little while and I am afraid he soiled the sheets.” Lafayette’s voice rose in pitch a little at the end of their sentence, something they only did when lying.

Why would Laf’ lie? Why would Laf’ lie about Alex wetting the bed? John poked his head out of the room and casted a glance back towards Alex who definitely didn’t have that look in his face that he had after being little, and Laf’ wouldn’t leave pissy sheets on the bed, they always stripped the bed as soon as possible so if Alex really did wet the bed it would have been in the last 15 minutes and if that was the case Alexander would definitely still have that calmer and quieter look in his face which he certainly did not.

 

A breath, a realisation, a gasp.

“Oh My God!” John rushed to his bedside draw and pulled out his black light, Lafayette quick to follow and insist that that wasn’t necessary, Hercules and Alexander realised the jog was up and rushed into the bedroom, everyone speaking over each other.

“Mon amour, you do not need to do this I am changing the sheets see?! There is no need to stress of bring out the lumière de l'enfer. It really isn't necessary please forgive us-” 

“Dude please just chill, I know your gonna be upset but I’m telling you its not as bad as you think it is and Laf’ s changing the sheets so you really don't need to stress-“

“John, John, John, John, there’s really no need to bring out the light, please just relax! Here why don’t you come into the lounge and I can give you a shoulder rub? I mean your shoulders look pretty tense you could do with one! Maybe a warm shower? I think we have some of that aromatherapy stuff you could use- “

Ignoring them, John searched for which he now knew was definitely there in the sheets. The tell-tale fluorescent strain on the sheets, and the begging trio turned silent. Turning around to face them John seethed. Pursing his lips into a thin line he let out a deep breath, trying to grasp onto a coherent sentence to express his anger.

 

“You- You all _knew_ , what you were getting into when we started dating.” As he spoke his voice began to louden as his anger boiled over the surface of the figurative pot, southern accent thickening.

“We have several, _SEVERAL_ , beds in this apartment! But y’all seem to be a bunch of fucking _rabbits_ and cant move it on over to the ones _I DON’T SLEEP IN_! I get it y’all don't see the big deal! But to me, this is a _big fucking deal_! Its _not_ like I ask you don’t have sex! Or even don’t have sex when I’m home! FUCK- I even bring you guys fucking snacks when y’all are done because I read on the Internet that you lose a lot of blood sugar when you fucking fuck! _ALL I ASK! THE ONE THING! THE ONLY THING I ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT! IS THAT YOU DON’T FUCK, IN. THE . BED. I. SLEEP. IN!”_

The trio looked at their feet in shame, they hadn't meant to but they had been kissing and then things got out of hand and was it afterward did they realise that this wasn’t one of the ‘designated coitus beds’

 Alex was the first to move, to reach out to John, but he was promptly brushed aside as John stormed out of the room. 

* * *

 

John sulked silently on the couch, refusing to speak directly to anyone. “Mon amour, come have dinner with us.”

 Dinner passed in an awkward silence.

That night John slept on the couch, the three had begged him to come to bed even going as far as to drag him into the bedroom and backlight the new sheets, assuring him that they were clean. But John still refused and slept on the couch, they had the two other bedrooms but John was sure that they were just as ‘defiled’ due to the fact that those beds were the ‘designated coitus beds’.

That morning he left before the trio got up, heading to his morning class that every other Thursday he would curse and groan about – but today it was a blessing, despite his restless sleep.

After his class he went and sketched in central park, but he only had left frustrated. His hand seemed to have a disconnect from his mind today and no matter how much he studied the damn shape of the fucking tree he couldn’t get it right and the shading was off and so he then tried to draw a stranger sneakily but the stranger had walked away before he could finish the rough skeleton sketch. And URGH. He was just in such a sour mood.

 

Damn Alex and his fucking libido, John was sure it was him that had started the whole thing, Laf’ probably was the first to realise, probably tried to say something but that probably would of quickly turned into out of his fucking breathy moans because Hercules found the right sport of some shit like that. John, was practically sex–repulsed, or at least that was the easiest way to describe it. He didn’t hate the act itself- he would even occasionally join in or ask one or two of the trio to help him find sexual relief. _But moments_ like that were very far and few in-between, mostly the idea of himself participating in sex made his stomach turn just a little, he could see or hear his partners rutting against each other without batting an eyelid.

Heck- once or twice he asked if e could watch because someone had commissioned him to draw something smutty and he need reference for body positions. He often would sit in the living room, watching something on Netflix while the three’s grunting and groaning and moaning annoyed the shit out of him because now he had to turn on subtitles because _SOMEONE_  (Alex usually) would not shut up, or at least be quieter.

All he asked, was that the sexuals of the household kept their wits about them just long enough to move to the bed he didn't sleep in. HE couldn’t explain why but he just hated it, the idea of bodily fluids just soaking into the bed and leaving the memory of fucking sex just grossed him the fuck out.

 

Still ready to kill, John walked back into the apartment, shocked at little to see the three, _heathens_ , holding up a large poster of sorts.

“What is this?”

“Well, mon chou, we all felt terribly for yesterday's events.”

“Yeah, and we know we cant undo it all but we wanted to show you that we care and stuff.” 

“So we all decided to make it clear to you that we will not repeat the offence, and that we all know what makes this relationship work so well, is our trust and communication.”

 John looked at the poster, crossing his arms.

 

**RULES AND GUIDELINES**

**No Coitus except in the designated area(s)**

**No phones at the dinner table***

**Make an effort to come home and sleep here every night ***

**Respect Laf’s heels- do not throw them**

**If you feel upset/angry/ whatever tell someone**

**Warn everyone before you have guests over**

***modified with discussion between all parties.**

 

 

 

Alexander, Hercules and Lafayette had all signed it at the bottom, John face split into a smile, he was still upset but this not only was an adorable gesture but also showed the three’s determination to not slip up again. He took the pen from Alexander and signed the bottom. His partners all smiled wider at his willingness to cooperate.

Hercules slipped the poster into a frame that had been leaning inconspicuously against the coffee table and hung it on the wall beside the T.V. 

Laf’ wrapped an arm around Johns waist grinning and John rolled his eyes, smile never falling.

**Author's Note:**

> Eyyy hoped you liked it. Sorry its smol.
> 
> Comment and all that jazz and let me know your opinions/ suggestions. 
> 
>  
> 
> [ Hmu on tumblr](thatjettkid.tumblr.com)


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